


A Foregone Conclusion

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Fear, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Confessions, M/M, Paranoia, Regan Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-06-20 18:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15540783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: Negan had lost so much in his life and now that he had something good he was worried he'd lose that too.





	A Foregone Conclusion

**Author's Note:**

> here's my first contribution to the second regan week of 2018 (for my server) & while it might be short i'm actually satisfied by it. 
> 
> trigger warning: brief mention of attempted suicide.
> 
> please leave kudos, comments & all that jazz. also check out the other contributions that my server members have possibly cooked up!

Drinking at the bar with Simon and Arat always helped Negan clear his head. This time didn't happen to be any different but he was focused on Rick rather than Lucille. It was an entirely different relationship and Rick was nothing like Lucille. Thankfully. What was bothering him was if it would end the same, bloody and painful. Where he was left with his heart on the fucking floor.

 

Some angsty music was playing in the goddamn bar, Negan thought it might be a good way to get people to drink more. All three of them were seated at one of the booths where Simon was talking about some chick he hooked up with. Then about the guy that he was fucking on the side too. Negan paid attention here and there but couldn't stop thinking about Rick.

 

They weren't in a rough patch so to speak, besides Carl hating him which wasn't new, it was just Negan amplifying his own fears. He loved Rick but still hadn't told him yet. They'd been together for six months already. He got close to saying it a couple times then chickened out like an idiot. Though to be fair to himself Rick had yet to say the three letter word himself. Even thinking that Rick didn't feel the same for him was breaking him apart on the inside. He slammed back the fourth shot of Jack he ordered for himself. Arat kept looking at him with sympathy. Subjecting her to many (drunken and sober) discussions about Rick made her more aware of when he felt the shittiest. She happened to be quite intuitive, which is what made it easy to talk to her. Also she was one of his best friends so that fucking helped.

 

Arat sternly told Simon to shut the fuck up for a few minutes. Since they were all close he got the picture when she made it clear that Negan needed to speak. He downed the remainder of his own drink before calling one of the servers over.

 

He mouthed a 'thank you' to her but she just waved him off because it was no big deal apparently. After the server, named Jesus who also was a bartender some days, got their drink orders down, Negan finally spoke.

 

"Before I go off my rant I gotta say this, did you fucking put the moves on Dwight? I coulda sworn you said that shit." Negan tried not to laugh while asking because Dwight didn't seem to swing that way.

 

Simon folded his arms and rested them on the table. "Goddamn right I did. Problem is that man is probably straight damn arrow unless he's more closeted than a gay pastor."

 

  
"I have no fucking clue but from that one experience during my single days - he didn't seem into it."

 

  
"Wait wait wait! Did you get inside those skinny pants of his?"

 

  
"He'd been so goddamn lucky if that shit happened. But no, I kissed him at some party we were at. When he pushed me off he said that he was in a relationship with someone named Sherry."

 

  
Simon stroked his obnoxious as fuck mustache. "So he didn't say he wasn't into guys?"

 

  
"Simon, don't get any stupid fucking ideas, alright? Good thing Arat's a lesbian 'cause if she hit on Dwight then we'd be some creepy trio. Anyways like I was going to say in the first place - I'm scared. Rick hasn't confessed his fucking feelings to me and isn't it a red flag to have gone this long? He was married before and dated his best friend briefly a few years ago. So that means he isn't naive to relationships or anything."

 

  
"I have told you time and time again that Rick's a good guy and he'd tell you if he didn't want this. If my experiences with Laura over the years have taught me anything is that everyone operates at their own pace. You can't force someone to tell you they love you."

 

  
Knowing all that he did about Arat's on and off relationship with Laura made it easy to get what she meant. Arat never had serious relationships prior to Laura, always slept with women then moved on. Then Laura came into her life but she didn't know about the other woman's history. The pressures of a relationship became too much so it ended then it started again.

 

  
Negan never told anyone about this because Arat said she'd fucking kill him but she often called him crying. She'd be crying about pushing Laura too much, that she couldn't lose her, that she should just go with the flow.

 

  
Both Simon and Arat gave him the best advice they could manage despite their drunkenness and emotional constipation. Then Negan called a cab to head to Rick's since he practically lived there. The bar wasn't that far away from Rick's apartment so the cab ride was extremely short. He paid the driver before hopping out to press the intercom button to call up to Rick's apartment.

 

  
Just when he expected Rick to be on the receiving end, it was Carl. That little shit would probably pretend he wasn't there like he'd done a few times throughout the months. One recent time Carl lied to his dad, which got him in trouble. Negan took a deep breath to calm his stomach and to keep himself from getting angry.

 

  
"Hey, kid. I'm home now so can you just let me?"

 

  
"Who is this again? Is this the asshole that's dating my dad?"

 

  
Negan couldn't hold back a bitter laugh, "Yeah it's me you little shit. Now let me in otherwise I'll just call your dad since I know he's awake. He'll get pissed, you'll get in trouble and in the end I win."

 

  
"Ugh, fine. Sometimes I wonder why my dad even dates you." Carl groaned in teenage fashion before pressing the button to open the door.

 

  
_Sometimes I do too, kid._ Negan thought before entering the thick glass doors leading into the apartment lobby.

 

* * *

 

 

"How was the bar?" Rick asked over some coffee he quickly fixed up for Negan. "I'm sure Simon talked your ear off like he usually does."

 

  
"He sure did. You know he tried to hit on Dwight?" Negan knew that Simon wouldn't care if he told Rick, not like Rick blabbed about anything.

 

  
"Oh no, how did that go?"

 

  
"Apparently it didn't end the way Simon hoped it would. It was a good time tonight though."

 

  
Rick topped up his own cup and poured more cream than sugar into it. "I'm glad. I missed you."

 

  
"Needy much?" Negan joked before reaching across the table to touch Rick's cheek. "I missed you too baby. Couldn't survive without ya."

 

  
"You could totally survive without me. Don't downplay your own survival, you've lost a lot and you're still standin'."

 

  
"Only because I have you, the kid, Simon and Arat. Without any of you I probably would have successfully checked out by now."

 

  
"Please don't talk like that."

 

  
"I'm sorry, Rick, it's just the goddamn truth. When Lucille left me I was in a really shitty place and I was more suicidal than I'd ever been in my whole life. I tried to kill myself but it just resulted in me getting my stomach pumped. She called me worthless and good for nothin' before she left a month before. Told me that she didn't really love me at all, that I was just a rebound from her ex husband. That they had plans of getting back together."

 

  
Rick moved his chair over towards Negan so they were next to each other. Then he urged Negan to lean against him. Whenever Rick would comfort him he always felt unbelievably safe. He didn't even deserve this type of love or comfort but he wanted it anyways. Though all that worry and fear that Rick would leave just like Lucille did hovered above.

 

  
They didn't speak for a few minutes and there was only the muffled noise of whatever game Carl was playing on his XBOX One.

 

  
Both of their coffees went cold, Negan almost fell asleep in Rick's arms right at the small kitchen table and it was more than evident that this was home.

 

  
Negan didn't want to be afraid of losing Rick anymore. "I fucking love you, Rick. I've been waiting to tell you this 'cause I was scared you'd leave like Lucille. I know that wasn't giving you much credit but you know I've got a lot of issues. And since you haven't said it to me yet, which I'm not putting pressure on you right now, it made more fucking scared."

 

  
"You don't have say anymore, Negan." Rick comforted him, rubbing his hands all over his back tenderly.

 

  
"I do have to 'cause if I lose you right now then at least I can say that I wasn't a fucking coward. I want to be with you for as long as you have which I hope is a long time. I love you more than I thought I could love someone, even Lucille."

 

  
"I love you too."

 

  
"And if you don't want - wait - what?"

 

  
Rick sniffed noticeably and Negan felt drops of wetness fall onto his face. "I love you too, Negan. The way I lost Lori made me think I'd never find love again and then Shane leavin' me made me believe it even more. I never thought I'd fall for an obnoxious, leather jack wearing asshole. But I guess life is full of surprises."

 

  
"Fuck you, Rick." Negan began laughing before he started crying into Rick's white shirt. "I don't deserve you."

 

 

  
"You're wrong 'bout that. You deserve me and you deserve love. Never forget that."

 

 

  
"I'll try not to."

 


End file.
